Drunken Lee, what really happened
by Penguin God
Summary: You think you know the truth? This is what really happened between Kimimaro and Lee...


1**Drunken Lee, the true story**

**Hi! I am the great, well known, Penguin God, who most of you probably never heard of... this is a fic similar to that of my last fic, Gaara's Past, and my brothers fic, what really happened. This is what really happened in the epic battle between Rock Lee, and Kimimaro.**

Rock Lee: I see! Naruto is getting the crap beaten out of him by the really creepy bone guy.

Kimimaro: I LIKE TO STAB! STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB DANCE-DANCE DANCE-DANCE!

Rock Lee: I must wait until the real Naruto is the only one left, then I shall use the secret technique master Gai taught me!

Kimimaro: Only one left.

Rock Lee: It is time for, DYNAMIC ENTRY!

Rock Lee jumps in and kicks Kimimaro.

Rock Lee: Naruto, you did the nice guy pose!

Naruto: Say what?

Rock Lee: For that reason I must protect you!

Naruto: What the hell are you talking about!

Rock Lee (in nice guy pose): I will defeat this man!

Naruto (on the phone): Yeah, the crazy green guy is here, I'll come to you right away! (Hangs Up). Uh, bye Rock Lee!

Rock Lee: You must refer to me as fuzzy eyebrows!

Kimimaro: ...

Naruto slowly walks away. Kimimaro begins to chase him, when...

Rock Lee: What's that over there!

Kimimaro turns around, and dodges the flying side kick Lee tries to use on him.

Kimimaro: Trees'.

Rock Lee: How did you know I was coming after you!

Kimimaro: I have read, **Da Book**. You're moves are to direct. They are easy to counter.

Rock Lee: I will defeat you!

Rock Lee does a series of tricks from, **Da Book**, to try to hit Kimimaro, but all of them failed.

Kimimaro: It is time to end this.

When Kimimaro was about to stab Lee with a really, REALLY pointy bone, Lee through a bottle of medicine at him.

Rock Lee: It is time to take my medicine!

Meanwhile, at the Konohana hospital.

Tsunade: OMG! Lee has left the hospital! This has never happened before! It's not something like this has ever happened to Sasuke before! He was in such a rush he actually took the bottle of medicine I left out for him!

Gai: Wait! What else did he take.

Tsunade: The beer I responsibly left next to the teenagers medicine.

Silence

Gai: How many shinobi are left in this village?

Tsunade: Why?

Gai: HOW MANY!

Tsunade: About 54, 53.9999999999249 if you count Sakura.

Gai: Send them all!

Tsunade: Why!

Gai: Once upon a time, after Lee mastered Lotus, I took him out to celebrate.

Tsunade: So?

Gai: Lee accidently drank a mere sip of my Sake, and...

Tsunade and random medic stare with intensity.

Gai: He had Drunken Rage.

Tsunade: Soooooooooooooo?

Gai: As it somehow turns out, Lee, is a true genius, of Drunken Fist.

Tsunade/Random Medic: GASP!

Gai: He only had a wee bit of it, and I went to sleep. When I was awakened by Neji, I saw Lee destroying the entire Restaurant. After many hours, Neji and I were finally able to restrain him.

Tsunade: You couldn't over power him by yourself?

Gai: I wasn't fighting him as if he was my enemy, or else Neji and I could have really hurt him.

(FLASHBACK TIME)

Rock Lee: I'm at the height of my youth!

Neji: 64 POKES!

Gai: OPEN 6 GATES!

Rock Lee: The explosion of youth!

Tenten: I'm not doing anything!

Gai: Primary Lotus!

Neji! 128 POKES!

Rock Lee: YOUR MOTHER!

Neji: I don't have a mother! Kishimoto was too lazy to make me one!

Tenten: You shouldn't be complaining, I haven't done ANYTHING in the manga, and I have no relationships whatsoever!

Rock Lee: YOUR COUSIN!

Neji: HOW DARE YOU! 1024 POKES!

Rock Lee: 1024 DRUNKEN SLAPS!

Neji: Damn! I can't use pokes anymore!

Gai: My Lotus did nothing!

Tenten: My nothingness is having no effect on him!

Neji: I have one last chance, all I have to do is reactivate the Byakugan and use Kaition!

Gai: Don't do it!

Just as Neji activates the byakugan, Rock Lee teeth shine.

Neji: My eyes! THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!

Tenten: Hell with this!

Tenten takes out a sub machine guy.

Tenten (while shooting): DIE!

Gai: Neji! Quickly! Grab him before Tenten gets any credit!

END FLASHBACK TIME!

Gai: So if he drinks an entire bottle...

Tsunade: No one will be able to defeat him...

Meanwhile...back to Lee and Kimimaro...

Rock Lee finished drinking a bottle of sake, and starts walking around aimlessly and talking gibberish.

Rock Lee: Penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin penguin ice cube ice cube!

Kimimaro: As I was saying, you can not possibly defeat me. I have more skill and possibly more fan girls. I have superior weaponry and jutsu, as well as a hard outer bone core to protect myself. I can also make it hard for you to hit me by making lots of sharp bones come out my skin and stabbing you, so you can not possibly win.

Rock Lee: Your mother!

Kimimaro: ...

Rock Lee: ...Don't mock me by not being silent! What's that over there!

When Kimimaro turns around, he sees Lee who punches him in the face.

Rock Lee: I'm sleepy...(snores)

Kimimaro: ...why do I always fight crazy, obnoxious, or bloody people?

Kimimaro is about to stab Lee when a bird flies into Kimimaro's back.

Rock Lee: AHA! I MANAGED TO MAKE YOU THINK I WAS ASLEEP WHILE THE BIRD ATTACKED YOU FROM BEHIND! I AM DECEITFUL! I DID IT MASTER GAI!

Rock Lee goes to sleep again.

Before attempting to stab Lee, Kimimaro outlines the area in nerve gas. Then he stabs Lee in the arm.

Rock Lee (who is still sleeping): Oh god! You stabbed me in the arm! That hurts so much! Every moment is a moment where I suffer! I can't stand it!

Rock Lee wakes up.

Rock Lee (ignoring all the blood flowing from his arm): YOU RUINED MY NAP! I NEED MY NAP TIME TO MAKE MYSELF APPEAR YOUTHFUL!

Kimimaro: You're drunk!

Rock Lee: Don't lie! If I was drunk I wouldn't be able to think clearly about who I'm fighting! Besides, Master Gai made a very strict rule about getting Drunk.

FLASHBACK TIME!

Gai: Rock Lee, there is only one situation in life where you can drink anything that might have any chance of getting you drunk.

Rock Lee: What is that situation Gai!

Gai (thinking): I must think of something so absurd he will never be able to become drunk!

Rock Lee: What is it Gai?

Gai: You can do it when...

Rock Lee: When...

Gai: There is a guy about two years older than you who is very ill attacking you with bones that he pulled out of his own body through his skin which somehow doesn't cause him pain!

Rock Lee: I understand Master Gai!

END FLASHBACK TIME

Kimimaro: ...

Rock Lee beats the living hell out of Kimimaro. Unfortunately, Kimimaro already killed hell so nothing bad really happened.

Rock Lee: I MUST DEFEAT YOU!

Just then people in white coats came into the fight.

White Coat Guy 1: That fox kid is right. It's him.

White Coat Guy 2: Lets do this before its to late.

White Coat Guy 1 pins down Lee, using a green guy suit as bait, and Green Guy 2 injects something into Lee.

White Coat Guy 2: Good, now he regained sanity.

White Guy 1 and 2 walk out of sight.

Rock Lee: I don't feel so good...I must've been drunk.

Rock Lee looks at Kimimaro, who at this moment in time has bones sticking out of him, a bone in his right hand, and Kimimaro starts running towrds Lee.

Rock Lee: OMG! There is a guy about two years older than me who I am going to assume is very ill attacking me with bones that he pulled out of his body through his own skin which somehow doesn't cause him pain! Master Gai! The time has come for me to get drunk!

**As it turns out, Lee drinks so much Sake that he thinks that sand is making him fly back to Konoha, when he is really being carried there by White Guy 1 and 2 as Gaara gets the living hell beaten out of him by Kimimaro, and there is a lot of living hell in Gaara.**

**Well thats my fic. This is yet again a joint effort by myself (Penguin God) and my brother, Duo Jagan. Read are other fics, what really happened, by Duo Jagan, and Gaara's past, by me. Hope you understood what really happened!**


End file.
